Healthy Relationship Start with a Healthy You

With all of the unhealthy relationships portrayed on TV and in the media, it can be difficult to picture what a healthy relationship looks like anymore. All we see is disrespect, failed communications, discord, affairs, and divorce. It is difficult to even imagine what healthy is. 

If you were to close your eyes and picture in your mind what a healthy relationship should look like, what would you come up with? 

It is my hope that you would come up with love,respect, authenticity, and support, all of which lead to trust. Healthy loving relationships are ones in which there is unconditional love towards one another, mutual respect and understanding of one another, authenticity in who you are, and support of one another, all of which combined result in the very important foundation of trust. Without these 5 main ingredients, it is difficult for a relationship to be fruitful and fulfilling. 

In order to get these things in a relationship, there is one very important thing to remember: Healthy relationships begin with a healthy you. If you struggle with having a loving, respectful, authentic and supportive relationship with yourself, it will be very difficult for you to be successful in any other relationships. You might find that relationships are not very satisfying, they don’t meet your emotional needs, they are one-sided, or that you get no relationship at all…

There are 4 essential ingredients to having healthy relationships. These ingredients are:
                Self-Love
                Self-Care
                Authenticity and
                Communication. 
Without these 4 ingredients found within oneself, it is highly likely that relationships will continue to be unfulfilling and leave you heartbroken time and time again. 

So, what do I mean when I talk about these 4 ingredients? Let me break them down for you:

Self-Love is the love of yourself first and foremost. You cannot truly love others, if you do not love yourself first. And I don’t mean just a surface, shallow love of yourself, what I mean is a true, deep, unconditional love of yourself. The more you love yourself, the more you are able to love others and the more you will attract people to you who are loving as well. So, how do you increase self-love? Try these few suggestions:
                Ask yourself, what would someone who loves herself say or do?
                Wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, “I love you.”
                Generate a list of positive affirmations about yourself. 
Another great way to increase self-love is to find a supportive person in your life who loves you unconditionally, and through this person’s love and support, you can learn to love yourself unconditionally as well. 

Self-Care is about taking care of yourself and your needs first. It is important to remember that you cannot be there to care for others if you do not care for yourself first. Most women struggle with this and feelings of guilt start to arise for them, because they think that to put their needs first makes them selfish. In fact, the opposite is true. In order to be fully present and able to care for others, your needs must be met first and foremost. Think about it, how many times have you not taken care of your needs and someone else comes to you with one of theirs and you just lose it and snap at them? Yeah…I imagine it’s happened more than once. When you are able to take care of your needs first, you are able to be more loving and kind when others come to you with their needs. Some ways to improve self-care include:
                Go to the bathroom when the need arises and eat your meals on time.
                Pamper yourself with a mani-pedi, massage, facial, or spa day. Allow others to take care of you and pamper you in the way that you take care of others.
                Take time to pray, meditate, or find other ways to connect with your inner self. 

Authenticity is very important because it allows you to be true to who you are and what does and does not work for you. When you are able to be authentic and genuine with yourself, you are able to be authentic and genuine with others. You get to show up as who you are, without putting up any false images or facades (this is the trouble most people have in relationships, especially at the start of them—people are not being authentic and genuine when they first meet because they feel the need to put their best face forward, then we do not take heed when the authentic self starts to show it’s true colors). Ways to be more authentic include:
                Engaging in prayer and meditation to connect with your authentic self.
                Seeking inside of yourself for your own truth and listening to that “gut feeling” you get. 
                Saying “No” to things that don’t work for you. 

Lastly, communication includes a combination of all 3 of the above essential ingredients. A nice little tongue twister for communication is: Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t be mean. This is where self-love, self-care, and authenticity all come into play. When you love yourself you are able to better love others, when you care for yourself, you are able to care for others, and when you are authentic and genuine with yourself you are able to be authentic and genuine with others as well. And in this way, you are able to communicate in a way that radiates love, care, and authenticity. I know that some conversations can be difficult to have, but typically, not engaging in a difficult conversation, leads to having to deal with consequences of not communicating, which are often more painful. Some ways to improve communication include:
                Be honest and authentic.
                Practice empathy.
                Listen to actually listen, and not just to respond. 

To summarize, Healthy Relationships start with a Healthy You! Work on these 4 essential ingredients within yourself and you will find that the relationships that you are in start to feel more fulfilling. 

If you are ready to learn how to have healthier relationships in your life, contact us by phone at 408-502-6790 or email for your free initial consultation.