Dating in Peter Pan's Never Never Land

If you are a single woman living in the Silicon Valley (or any major metropolitan area), you are probably all too familiar with the Peter Pan phenomenon. You know, that phenomenon where none of the men you go out on dates with are ready to settle down because they don’t want to grow up just yet and then you’re left in single-land time and time again. 

You are on plenty of online dating sites (or maybe you’re too scared to try too many, so you’re just trying one out for size), you meet plenty of guys, yet none of them turn into relationships. Guy after guy, date after date. Maybe sometimes you end up seeing someone for a few dates. But then you’re ready to talk about “Where is this going?” or “Are you seeing other people?” and the guy just bails! 

*POOF* Disappears. Sometimes he might give you some lame excuse, but most often, he has likely just gone MIA on you.

And then you are left wondering: What the heck just happened? Was it me? Did I do something wrong? How can this happen time after time with guy after guy? What’s wrong with me?

Sound familiar?

Time and time again all the single women who are dating that I know in the Bay Area tell me the same thing—clients, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, my esthetician, you name it. Any woman who is dating around the SF Bay Area has told me the same thing over and over again. Heck, even I have had the same experience! 

It is annoying, frustrating, can bring up feelings of low self-esteem, and can make you want to throw in the towel on the whole dating thing and resign yourself to the single life surrounded by your girlfriends and your cats (okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you get what I mean).

However, I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to give up on your hopes and dreams of meeting a good man, dating him for some time, getting proposed to, and then getting married and having your own family. And you don’t have to settle down with just ANY man. Actually, I highly advise you NOT to settle down with just any man. 

If you are a single woman in the dating game right now, here are some tips to help you keep your sanity while you are out there mixing and mingling with the hopes of meeting your dream man:

1. Know that no man can ever complete you. Yes, I said it. First and foremost, you must realize that no man can ever complete you. The only person who can complete you is you. A relationship is not about two halves coming together and making a whole. It is about two whole people coming together and building a beautiful life based on trust and friendship. If you struggle with how to rely on yourself for your own validation, start off each and every day by looking in the mirror and telling yourself “I love you.” Follow that up with creating a list of at least 5 things about yourself that are great and be sure to say them to yourself daily as well. 

2. Keep an open mind and just have fun. Don’t go out there with the goal of meeting THE ONE. Instead, keep an open mind and go out there with the goal of having fun. Perhaps you will get a chance to try out a new bar or restaurant, or try an activity you’ve never tried before, or see a movie that you’ve really been dying to see. You’ll get an opportunity to meet some possibly cool people along the way. If the guy you’re out with is not cool, no worries, it was an experience. If he is cool then great! Play it cool and keep going with the flow with an open mind.

3. Take it slow. One of the things we tend to do as women is find a guy we think is good and then want to latch on like there’s no tomorrow. It’s okay, evolution taught us to be that way: (spoken in Neanderthal voice) “Find strong provider man, don’t let strong provider man get away.” It’s hardwired into us. However, we now live in the 21st century, not in the caveman or Victorian era. We don’t need to settle down with the first man who comes our way that appears to be a strong provider man. We need to take it slow. 

Taking it slow has a few major benefits. First, it allows for the two of you to really get to know each other. The best relationships are built on a solid foundation of trust and communication. Going slow allows you the opportunity to build that solid foundation and trust. It also gives you the opportunity to see who he really is and if he truly meets all of your criteria or if he was just on his best behavior in the beginning. Lastly, keeping in mind that we live in a Peter Pan Never Never Land of men who don’t want to grow up and settle down, going slow allows you an opportunity to not freak him out and send him running for the hills. 

4. Keep your social calendar full. Often times what happens when we get caught up in the dating game is that we forget to continue nurturing our own needs and our own interests and we get sucked into the dating game. This can then lead you to sit around wondering why he hasn’t called/texted, why it’s been so long since you’ve heard from him, what if you did something wrong, and all those other thoughts identified earlier. If you keep yourself busy and continue to develop your own life, you are less likely to sit around and wonder what he’s up to and why you haven’t heard from him, and it makes you appear to be a more desirable catch because you aren’t sitting around pining for him, you’re out there living life! 

So, now that you’ve got a few different tips, give it a try. Do these 4 things on a regular basis and you might find that the way you perceive your dating woes changes, which in turn will allow your life in Never Never Land to be a much happier one. :)

If you are ready to make change, contact me today for your free initial consultation. By phone at 408-502-6790 or click here to send me an e-mail.